But does it bother you?

This morning didn't go as I planned.

I took the girls to Aldi today to buy groceries; they only accept debit cards (which I never use anywhere else, but have in my wallet for emergencies) and cash. The cashier rang up $42 worth of food and then I swiped my card.

Denied.
Try again.
Denied.
Repeat x 2.

The guy told me the PIN was wrong; I know I've used it before successfully, so I tried again.
Denied.

He told me to go get cash or call my bank and he'd hold my cart for me. OK. We left and Hannah was SUPER confused about why we hadn't brought the food with us. I explained we didn't have money, but we were going to go get some.

I went to the ATM down the street. Denied. Called the bank. The guy on the line does all he can, but they don't have access to PINs and he will have to send mine in the mail.

I went back to Aldi, thanked the guy for holding my cart of groceries, and said, "I'm so sorry, but I don't have access to my accounts right now." He was super nice about it, patted my shoulder, gave me a sad look, and thanked me for coming back in to tell him so he could put the groceries back on the shelf.

And I left. With no groceries. Without the popsicles I had promised Hannah when we arrived. She asked me over and over why we didn't have the food and "it's a little sad that we don't have popsicles, Mommy, but it's ok." Sweet girl.

I felt very weird. I realized I wasn't embarrassed, although that thought entered my mind briefly when the guy patted my shoulder and gave me the sad smile that I can only assume was because he thought I didn't have any money at all for me and my two children. It was something else. It's a strange and unfun thing to explain to your 3 year old that you can't buy her food. It bothered me. A lot. A lot more than I expected it to. And then, of course, I started wondering why it bothered me so. And that bothered me!

It bothers me because we can just hop in the car, go down the road a tad and buy as many groceries as we want at Wal-Mart or Food Lion with my credit card. And we have the money in our bank account to pay that off. And we will be OK waiting the 1-3 days for my PIN number to come in the mail. We have a pantry full of food and a freezer semi-full of food. We wouldn't be eating the most logical/normal meals on the planet, but we could survive for a pretty long time on what we already have. But that's not how it is for some people.

I didn't go to Wal-mart and buy stuff with my credit card. I just came home and thought about it and let it continue to, well, bother me! I pulled a can of soup out of the pantry for myself and a piece of bread and some cheese for Hannah and we called it good. I'm sure I will be back to a store in a day or two to get stuff. And I'm thankful that I can and I feel convicted to pray for those who don't have access as easily as we do, both locally and globally.

I'm still having strange feelings about the whole thing and I'm still (yes) wondering why it bothered me so. I guess I'll just have to keep thinking about it to feel settled and then possibly DO something about it as well :)

Thanks for reading!